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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, providing her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone enjoys being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought recording a clip here or there would be fun for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?